Group Sex Party Tips

Photo courtesy of @ph.thermes

Group sex parties can and should be a lot of fun. However, things can go awry when you get multiple people with their own similar but different agendas in the same room. Here are some group sex party tips to help your group sex experience be an amazing experience.

Each group sex party will be different

While I haven’t been in the lifestyle for years and years, I have been in enough group sex situations to know that every situation is going to be different. Different people = different group sex party. Even the same people will equate to a different party because everyone feels differently from one day to the next. Heck, most people feel different one minute to the next.

Different types of group sex parties

• group sex party set up with friends,
• a Kik group get together,
• a BDSM/kink party,
• sexually fluid,
• swinger parties,
• hotel takeover,
• lifestyle organizations,
• the list goes on and on.

Obviously, a smaller group setting among friends is going to be very different then a hotel takeover with 600 people. Do your research ahead of time and make sure you have an idea of what you are getting yourself into. You already know there is going to be sex, but there are all kinds of different rules for different types of parties. Some parties allow guests to walk around completely nude while some only allow the women. The last thing you want is to be surprised by what you’re going to see or by how everyone is behaving. Most organized group parties don’t allow single men, but some do.

Think about what you want before you go

Once you’ve decided on a particular type of group party, you should take some time to think about what you want out of the party. It’s very easy to have a fantasy and imagine a party in a certain way. The key is to not have expectations that match an edited version of the most amazing porno in your mind.

Maybe you’ve been fantasizing about 6 hands and 3 mouths on your body. Or maybe you have been fantasizing about fucking someone new while your partner is fucking someone else right next to you. Most people when they fantasize, don’t think about realistic scenarios leading up to those moments. Those kinds of moments can and do happen at parties, but the lead up to them is not like a porno.

Everyone going to these parties has an interest in sex, so barriers are lowered. But your point of entry will be different than everyone else. If you need more of a connection with people to get comfortable, plan on getting to the venue on time. An extra hour mingling, can really help ease your nerves and allow the opportunity to engage in small talk with people before clothes start coming off.

Know your limits

In addition to thinking about what you want from the party, think about what scenarios are out of your comfort range. If you are new to the lifestyle, just being at a party might be pushing you out of your comfort zone. For me, I’m not an eager beaver when it comes to anal sex. So unless I’m super comfortable, it’s a no for me. If you read my group sex tips for women, then you already know that I don’t like to feel like I’m being degraded or restrained.

By thinking about the scenarios that make me uncomfortable ahead of time, I’m able to handle them in a rational manner when they arise. If you are not prepared, your emotions can easily get the best of you. You might find yourself going along with something that makes you extremely uncomfortable because you never thought about how to handle such a scenario.

I’m not talking to just women here. Men, you might find yourself in a scenario that makes you uncomfortable. What if you’re asked to partake in a DP (double penetration)? What if another man asks you if he can give you a blow job because his wife has been wanting him to? In addition to reading my group sex tips for men, you should take some time to think about different scenarios that would make you uncomfortable.

If you have a partner or friend that you can talk to about these things, you should run through how you would handle a couple of the scenarios with them. Talking out loud helps you clarify your purpose and helps you handle your emotions.

Stop words

That gang bang fantasy you’ve been having for years may seem like a really great idea and one you are eager to try. Reality is always going to be different so you might find yourself completely freaked out right as things are getting going. It’s ok to stop. No one at that party wants to be the reason someone has an unfavorable sexual experience. If you are going with a partner, come up with some words that you can use together.

Most people in the lifestyle know the words red and yellow. Red means stop, and yellow means proceed with caution. So if you are not with a trusted partner, you can probably just say “yellow” if you are starting to feel uncomfortable. If you say “yellow” and everyone continues on without addressing your concerns or asking why you said yellow, then you should stop the scene. If you are feeling uncomfortable enough to want to say yellow, then you need to make sure that you can trust the people enough to continue on. You want to make sure that if you say red, that everyone will stop.

If you are going to a sex party with a partner, it is also useful to come up with key phrases that let your partner know how you’re feeling. For example, if you really like the woman but the man gives you the creeps, you can mention that you are hungry and could really go for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If you don’t like either of them, you can ask your partner to go with you to get a drink. If both people feel like a good fit for your partner and yourself, then you can mention craving your favorite dessert.

Get a STD test before you go

Getting a STD test before you go to a party probably seems like a no-brainer, but not everyone does get one before hand. Depending on the type of party you go to, you may be required to show proof of a clear STD test within the last 3 months. Most clinics have an online app that allows you to pull up your results on your phone. If yours does not, then take a pic with your phone so you have proof with you.

I know that I’m in the minority, but I don’t give oral without confirming when the other person had their last STD test. My close group of play friends and I adhere to the 3 month rule. It’s not a perfect rule, but it does reduce the risk and it gets an open dialog about STD testing started. I’ve been shocked at the amount of people that are at a lifestyle event that have not had a recent STD test. No STD = No oral (from us).  And we’re not the only ones that have that rule. If you’re planning on partaking in some cunninglus or fallatio, it’s best you get checked beforehand because getting turned down sucks. It’s even worse if you could’ve prevented getting turned down.

My group of friends and I require everyone to share their test results before we have a private group party. If you are going to a smaller party and you know the host/hostess and they are not already requiring recent STD screenings, then you should ask them to.

Wear and bring what makes you happy

Some people need to feel comfortable in order to be comfortable. Others need to feel desired in order to be comfortable at a group party. While the end goal probably entails the removal of your clothing, being comfortable getting to the party and during the get to know you phase is crucial. If you’re tugging on your clothes, feel too warm, or too cold, you may feel hindered when it comes time for the action. Especially if it’s your first group party, go in what is going to make you the most comfortable and help you feel sexy at the same time. Don’t worry about what everyone else may or may not be wearing. This is your experience and you should enjoy all aspects of it.

Condoms & Lube

The majority of the sex parties I’ve been to have had condoms on hand. I’m a bit of a condom snob, so I bring my own. I don’t like too many chemicals on or in my body. Since I’ve been learning to like anal sex, I now bring lube with me to each party. Sometimes lube is available. But even when it is, it often has glycerin in it and my vagina and glycerin do not get along.  When a guy is nervous, it’s obvious. But when a girl is nervous it usually presents itself with a drier than normal vagina. Having lube on hand is a good idea whether you’re the girl that needs it or the guy that wants to have sex with the girl that needs it.

Sex Toys

You can say a lot of things about people in the lifestyle, but one thing is for certain, people in the lifestyle are very open minded. If you have a toy or two, or maybe some rope that you’ve been itching to try out with another partner (or your own), bring it with you. Some of the most amazingly erotic moments I’ve encountered were from when someone brought out their prized possessions.

Respect is the golden rule

Now that we’ve covered a lot of the logistics of going to a group party, let’s talk about the one thing you always need to keep in mind when you go to a group sex party. Treat people with respect – always. No one wants to feel like they are being taken advantage of, neglected, or rejected. Remember that just like you, each person is there because they want to have an enjoyable experience.

Don’t be afraid to talk to that couple standing in the corner. Maybe they aren’t your type, but they could be the funniest people there. Or maybe that girl that you are lusting after has had a bad day and doesn’t want to be treated like a sex object. Every person there will have their own insecurities that they are working through. For some the party may be as nerve wracking as going out to dinner. But others may have struggled to be brave enough just to get to the party. Be kind to everyone.