According to the “What Exactly is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy” study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine, 57% of women fantasize about having sex with more than three people at a time. So if you’re reading this blog post and you’ve been having your own fantasies about group sex, you are not alone. But reality and fantasy are very different. Here are some group sex tips for women to have a better group sex experience.
Communication is the most important thing in group sex
Women are usually fierce mamma bears and protectors of their friends, yet most women have difficulty speaking up for themselves. When a woman does not speak up for herself in a one-on-one sexual situation, it is usually at the cost of a missed orgasm and possibly encouraging disappointing behavior. However, in a group setting if you do not speak up for yourself, you might find a lot of unwanted feelings bubble up to the surface.
If you’re going into your first group sex situation, you will probably have a moment or two where you are not happy with the situation. From feeling awkward discussing the logistics of trying a new position to feeling left out, the only way to help you feel better is by speaking up. No matter how much your body language may indicate your uneasiness, people are not mind readers. Most people are in their own heads trying to figure out how to make their own fantasies come to life.
Know what makes you uncomfortable
Before going into a group setting, it’s best to take some time and think about what your triggers are. Personally, I have felt like I was a sex object for a large part of my life. Prior to my own introspection into my triggers if someone would do something to make me feel that way, such as slapping my face with their penis, or calling me a slut, whore, etc., I would shut down. When it does happen (and it does sometimes because not everyone feels the same way I do), I know what my triggers are and I am able to politely tell them that I don’t like it and don’t do it again.
Speaking up has yet to ever change a person’s mind about continuing with our sexual encounter. One guy who called me a little slut and I told him not to, stopped and asked if there was anything else that I had an issue with. The connection (no matter how temporary) is strengthened when you speak up because others feel free to speak up too.
Women tend not to speak up
Many studies show that women are reluctant to speak their mind when they are in a mixed crowd (men and women). Even when women are feeling extremely uncomfortable about a topic or a situation, they still do not speak up.
Three of the most common reasons women don’t speak up are:
- not wanting to hurt other people’s feelings,
- succumbing to societal’s expectations for women to be modest, and
- women are taught to “sit still and look pretty.”
Think about a time or two when you didn’t speak up when you wanted to. Why didn’t you? Now try to imagine scenarios at a group sex party that might make you uncomfortable. Think about how you can handle the situation and let your voice be heard. Having a game plan will help you feel more comfortable going into the party. Of course, group parties rarely go according to plan.
Discuss beforehand
If you’re in a smaller situation, I suggest taking a few moments before everyone plays to discuss what everyone’s soft and hard limits are. If you know the host, suggest an ice breaker that includes discussing people’s sex limits. You will probably find others there have some, if not all, of your same issues and they might mention something you hadn’t considered before. Of course, having that discussion is difficult in large play party situations, but not talking ahead of time should never keep you from speaking up in the moment.
Confidence is the best accessory
Everyone has insecurities. You know that gorgeous woman that walks around like she owns the world? Guess what? She has insecurities.
In our body obsessed society, feeling insecure about your physique is probably the number one insecurity when you attend a group party. Both men and women have parts about their bodies that they love and parts that they would like to improve. People will notice if you are self-conscious about your body. The thing about that is, it’s only going to serve as a reminder to the other people about their own insecurities of their bodies. No one wants a reminder about their flabby tummy, jiggly thighs, or saggy breasts.
People gravitate to people with confidence. It’s fun to talk to someone that is smiling and relaxed.
Whether or not you are truly feeling confident there are a few simple things you can do when you’re at sex party to make you feel more confident, or at least appear that way.
- Have good posture by standing tall, with your shoulders back.
- If you feel the need to fidget, stretch instead. When you stretch, you elongate your body and that helps your posture.
- Practice self-acceptance. Accept that you have flaws and in that moment there isn’t anything you can do to change them so just enjoy the ride.
Primp and prep before group sex
Whether you’re a girly girl, an au-natural gal, or a tomboy, there are things you can do ahead of time to help you feel at your best. If you’re considering partaking in anal sex, using an anal douche a couple hours before the party is the way to go. Remember that whole confidence thing?
Hair removal
Whether you choose to go completely bare or embrace what mother nature gave you, some amount of landscaping is called for in a group sex setting. Wax a couple of days before the party. You can wax the day before if you wax frequently. If you shave, make sure you shave with enough time to keep the bumps at bay. Most people have experienced shave bumps and probably won’t give you a second glance, but if it’s your first party, minimizing all the ways that will make you feel less confident are key.
If you prefer to be au-natural, still take some time to trim. While there are some people that absolutely don’t mind a big, hairy bush, the majority of people like things to be trimmed at the minimum (whether or not you agree). No one really likes to have hairs in their mouth.
Girly things
If you’re a person that likes typical girly things, then you should do them before your group party. Those extra touches that help you feel feminine are going to make you feel more attractive. When you feel more attractive sex is just more fun.
Some of the things I like to do before a party (if I can make them work with my schedule) that help me feel feminine and boost my confidence are:
- Get a manicure.
- Get a pedicure.
- Exfoliate my body the day before
- Get a massage
Dress Sexy
Dressing sexy is kind of obvious but needs to be said. You will ooze confidence if you’re wearing an outfit that makes you feel like a sexual goddess. With that being said, consider how easily the garments come off and on. Hopefully they will be coming off at some point. I once hooked up with a girl with thigh high lace up boots. Let me tell you, it took awhile to get those off her. At one point we just stopped and left one of her boots on and made out for awhile. We resumed getting her out of those crazy boots after our sexy interlude.
If you are uncomfortable being naked, consider bringing a kimono or some sort of sexy cover up. I’m not a huge fan of roaming naked, so I usually wear an outfit with a top that can double as a sexy cover up.
Be prepared
Hopefully whatever party you are attending provides condoms, but I wouldn’t count on it. I usually bring 8-10 with me. While I have not personally gone through all of them in one night, I have definitely given a fair share away. Another reason I like bringing my own condoms is that I don’t really like typical, cheap latex condoms that you find in bowls at parties. I prefer the Lovability or Skyn condoms. I’ve yet to had one break and they don’t irritate my vagina. I also bring along a pump bottle of lube because lube really does make things feel better.
Also, I recommend asking every person when their last STD test was before you have oral sex. You probably expect people in the lifestyle to get tested regularly. This is not always the case. If you’re going to a smaller group party, ask the host to ask everyone attending about their most recent testing prior to the party.
If you are a fellow squirter, bring a towel or even yet a small mattress pad, especially if the party is at someone’s house. One of the first parties I went to, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I squirt, I was just so excited about the party. I made a huge mess on the bed and the person that threw the party had forgotten to put a mattress pad down. I felt so guilty about it afterwards that it kind of ruined my memories of the evening. Even if there is a mattress pad, no one else really wants to lay in your wet spot after you are done. If you do forget to bring a towel or pad, try to at least be at the foot or edge of the bed.
Nourishment
Don’t ever go to a sex party hungry. You may want to feel thin and think skipping a meal is a good idea, but just don’t do it. You will feel more nervous and your blood sugar levels will become unbalanced if you are hungry. If you drink, you will get drunk faster. If you’re running out of time to eat or you didn’t get the opportunity to eat enough before hand, bring something with you (unless its at an organized event at a club, then you probably can’t). I suggest bringing simple finger foods without garlic. And I guarantee you, someone else is wishing they ate more before they went to the party.
Unicorn Upshot: Group sex is like money, more really is better.
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