My polyamory journey: One just isn't enough (group of hands fist bumping)

One just isn’t enough

Some people believe in polyamory. Some people believe in ethical non-monogamy. I’m not sure what I’m doing exactly, but all I know is just one is not enough.

Early Polyamory

My first real experience with multiple partners happened in 6th grade. Over the course of 2 days, 3 different boys asked me out.

First there was Duran. He was my first rocker/bad boy crush (he even played in a band when he “grew up”). I loved how fearless he was. When I said yes to be his boyfriend, he grabbed me and kissed me. It was a real kiss. He took control, and I liked it.

Next came Vietnam. He was funny. He made me laugh. We had our own private jokes that no one else could understand. He wasn’t very popular but there was something about him that always made me smile when I was around him. When I said yes, he gave me a hug and awkwardly tried to kiss me. We both stepped back and laughed.

Then came Gamer. He was shy, nerdy, and so very smart. We talked about space, Star Trek, math, science, and basically all things geeky. Not many people took the time to get to know him, if they did they would discover that he had a depth to him even in 6th grade that still blows away many people I know. When I said yes, he closed his eyes, leaned in, and took a leap of faith that I was going to kiss him back. I did. It was sweet. When we pulled away I smiled. He smiled. Then he shyly grabbed my hand and we walked to the playground.

As you can see, the three of them are so very different. And the thing about it is, I was very different with each of them. I’m still that way. Sadly, they all got mad at me once they all found out about each other and that was the end of that.

Friendship Polyamory

There are my friends that like to go shopping, watch chick flicks, talk about makeup and fashion, drink mimosas and martinis, and get massages at the swankiest places. When I’m with them, I feel so girly and pretty.

Then there is my group of friends that are completely outdoorsy types. Our activities include hiking, yoga, hanging at coffee shops, swapping natural remedies, and camping. When I’m with them, I get to appreciate this great big beautiful world we live in as well as remember to practice balance in my daily life.

Lastly, there is my group of friends that is a mish-mosh of personalities: the nerdy, sci-fi, hipster, foodie crew. Most of our gatherings are at someone’s house where we eat good food, drink good wine and talk about anything and everything. When I’m with them, I’m reminded that despite all of our differences, people are pretty much the same.

I can’t imagine giving up my friends. I love my friends. My love for each of my friends does not diminish because I get a new one.

Ethical Non-monogamy

As a society, there’s this need to define everything. I don’t feel that need. I’m not seriously dating any one person, but I am seeing a few different people on a regular basis. They have become important people in my life and I definitely have developed feelings for them.

There is no dishonesty and everything is out in the open.

They all know about my life and my lifestyle. In fact, most of everyone that I regularly play with know each other and we all play together. They have been my partners in my sexual evolution and I am so grateful for my relationships with them. We help each other learn what we like and don’t like in a safe, comforting environment.

Over the last several months, I’ve learned that 4 hands on my body are better than 2. And 3 mouths on my body are way better than 1. I can’t imagine ever giving up having threesomes and foursomes. I like being with women as much as I like being with men. Threesomes and foursomes when all have genuine feelings for each other feel so incredible.

It’s possible that this sexual exploration is just a phase and it’s probable that I will slow down at some point. But despite the inevitable process, I also can’t see how one person can fulfill all of my needs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really very hard to please. It’s just that how can one person be expected to match my ever changing moods. And more importantly, how can one person be both male and female with the attributes that I like so much from each?

Loving a woman’s touch

I love how soft women are. Curves that are craving to be caressed, luscious breasts that want to be licked, and smooth skin that begs to be stroked. Kissing a woman is not like kissing a man (usually). When my lips touch another women’s lips, there is a moment when I’m not sure where she begins and I end. There is a connection between women that men just can’t provide. It’s the innate ability for us to understand what the other one is feeling.

She knows how I feel when she gently caresses the underside of my breasts. Just like I know how she feels when I slide my hand down her side to the apex of her leg. When I see a woman arch her back as I apply light pressure to her clit, then slide my fingers into her pussy, I know what she is feeling. My brain can remember it and therefore my body feels it, too.

Loving a man’s touch

I love how strong men are. Yes, I know it’s cliche, but it’s true. Biologically, men are just built to be stronger than women and my biology loves that. I love a man that can pick me up and put me exactly where he wants me so he can fuck me. A man that can bind my wrists above my head with just one of his hands, while I’m at his mercy as he licks, nips, and sucks on my breasts, makes me weak in the knees.

But I also love how I can make a man feel. I may not know exactly what it feels like as I lick up his shaft and wrap my lips around the head of his cock, but I do see the look of pleasure on his face. Hearing that contented sigh as he finally gets to slide his cock inside my wetness, makes me even wetter. When I feel his cock get even harder and his balls tighten up right before he’s ready to come, it makes me come.

I don’t want to choose.

Solo Polyamory

I am not currently at the stage in my life where I am open to a serious one-to-one relationship. But some of the relationships I do have are more than just fleeting trysts with strangers or casual sex. The term that I have found that most closely describes my situation is Solo Polyamory.

Solo polyamory is ethical non-monogamy without the expectation of a relationship leading to the typical one-to-one relationship that our society values so much.

I see so many people hop from one relationship to another. They all seem to be stuck on the “Relationship Esclator.” While feelings may change over time, in general I know pretty quickly whether or not someone is a good match for a long term relationship.  To me, it feels dishonest to date someone, knowing that it won’t work out, but do so because that is just what is expected. I don’t feel that need to conform anymore. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life then settle on a relationship that doesn’t fulfill me.

With that being said, I can’t imagine casually dating for the rest of my life either. So more than likely polyamory is on my horizon. And truthfully, I’m looking forward to it. Just like my friendships are not lessened because I have new friends, I don’t see how my love for someone would be lessened because I love another. Talking to parents, they’ll tell you having more kids doesn’t change their love for each child. But they do love each child differently. I see no difference.

However, until those special people come into my life, I’m going to keep on going on unicorn adventures!

Unicorn Upshot:

The heart has an unlimited capacity to love.