Questions to ask a couple before a threesome #unicorn

Having a threesome can be a really amazing experience for a unicorn. When everyone is single and just living life, it is relatively easy to have a good experience provided each person is open to it. But when it comes to having a threesome with a couple, having a planned threesome is much, much better than the spontaneous kind. Why? Because you can avoid a lot of the common issues that can arise with a bit of preparation on your part. How? Ask a bunch of questions!

You never EVER want to surprise someone for a first threesome. A surprise threesome can go terribly wrong.

It is best to meet in person with both parties and discuss everything before you have the threesome. While I prefer to meet for coffee (Coffee Bean anyone?), sometimes alcohol does facilitate the answering and asking of questions. The meeting can take place with or without the intention of going back with them if you all vibe well. The following is a list of the questions I always try to ask before having a threesome with a new couple in addition to general questions to ask before you have sex. While it might seem like a lot of work to ask so many questions, when you discuss things out loud with others, it lends clarity to your own outlook, and when the other two are having a really a good time, it will be easier for you to have a great time, too.

In a perfect world, what would your threesome be like?

It probably seems obvious, but this is the basis for all other questions. One couple might be looking for one magical night of fun, another might be looking for an ongoing NSA (no strings attached) friendship, while another one might be looking for a third person to join their relationship. Before you go any further, everyone needs to be on the same page.

I want to mention that it’s very easy to feel uneasy afterwards, especially if you’re new to being a unicorn. Having sex with someone is an intimate act and leaves you vulnerable. Having sex with two people can make you feel even more vulnerable. The couple goes back to being a couple and the focus is not on you anymore, sometimes while you are still there in the room and haven’t even caught your breath. You can feel left out or feel like you were being used. Remember, that is probably just your own insecurity talking and not what is actually happening.

The couple was a couple before you, and will still be a couple when you leave. However, they wanted you to join them because there is something about you they like. They wanted to have a great sexual experience together with you.

One night of fun

This is probably the easiest to attain. If everyone can set aside any expectations and enjoy the moment, then threesome fun can be had by all. However, make sure you know what exactly their version of fun means to them. Often times, a couple is ONLY thinking about what the couple wants. They can view the unicorn as a toy, not as a person. If your gut is telling you that this might not be an ideal situation but you find them extremely attractive, I say listen to your gut.

Delve deep into what they are expecting the night to go like. If everything sounds great to you, then by all means go for it. If not, just say no. There are TONS of couples looking for a unicorn and you do not need to settle. You are enough. In fact, you are more than enough. If you weren’t they wouldn’t be looking for you.

NSA ongoing friendship

While there are some common pitfalls that ongoing threesomes can fall into, these kinds of relationships can be very beneficial for all parties. There can be quite a bit of nervousness among the participants during the first time together that prevents everyone from fully enjoying themselves. If you’re a new unicorn, the first time with a new couple can be a bit daunting. It’s hard to know your place, especially if the couple hasn’t had many threesomes before as a couple. For the couple that wants an ongoing friendship, it’s a good sign that they are genuine, caring people. They want to connect with unicorn. But it also might mean that they aren’t sure what they want either. As long as you have good communication, you can learn and grow together through these experiences.

Beginning of a new relationship

I get approached by quite a lot of couples looking for a third. While many are looking for a person that they can grow and enhance their relationship with, more often than not they are looking for a magical unicorn that will fix their broken relationship. I have said “no” to many couples because what they want and what is realistic (at least from me) is not anywhere close to the same. Of course, if you’re looking to explore polyamory then by all means, go ahead date them  and explore a new relationship.

Briefly, I entertained the idea of being a third with a couple. We had incredible chemistry, but at the end of the day, what they wanted from me was more than what I was willing to give and more importantly, what I wanted from them they were not willing to give to me. This is a complicated topic and one that deserves very careful consideration.

Have you ever had a threesome together?

Another obvious but very necessary question. Whether the answer is yes or no, it’s time to dig and find out if it was good or bad and what can be done to help make it a better experience. You don’t want them to remember you as a repeat of a bad experience.

If it’s their first, do you really want to be remembered as a bad experience?

This gets very convoluted so I put together an infographic (see below).

Tips for analyzing the answers

Pay attention to whoever answers first, or most eagerly, for the first couple of questions. Then direct the follow up questions directly to the other person. On more than one occasion, I found one partner was much more eager to have the threesome than the other. In fact, there were a couple of times that it turned out that the other partner really didn’t want one. If you are a female unicorn and you are speaking with a male/female couple, I suggest try to find an opportunity to talk to the female directly. This shows that you respect her and that you aren’t a threat to their relationship. As women, we have a tendency to be more connected emotionally when we have sex…we’re just wired that way.

If the answer is no to a good experience, this is where you’ll want to do the most digging. A lot of times, people don’t stop to analyze why things went wrong, they just know it went wrong. So a few prompting questions can help uncover the issue.

  • Were they fucking under the influence (FUI)?
  • Was something about the experience making them uncomfortable (jealousy, insecurity, the room was cold, outside distractions, etc)?
  • Was one or both of them too shy to ask for what they really wanted or speak up when something didn’t feel right?
  • Did nerves get the better of them?

Whatever the reason, discuss what can be done to help them feel more comfortable (wear socks, listen to a playlist through a Bluetooth speaker, dance to some sexy music, give a short massage).

Choosing whether or not to have a threesome with a particular couple is a very personal decision. We’re all so different and everyone brings a new outlook and experience to the table. What works or doesn’t work for me, might not be the same for you.

Unicorn Upshot: Asking questions ahead of time will allow you to either enjoy the moment when it comes or help you to realize that it’s ok to pass and wait for your next opportunity.