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Using an anal douche

Let’s face it, unless you’re into excrement, poop just ain’t sexy. So what’s girl (or guy) to do? Use an anal douche!

There are three main types of anal douches: shower douche, water bag douche, and bulb douche.

Shower & Water Bag Douches

A shower douche attaches to, you guessed it, the shower. It’s a hose with a nozzle. A water bag douche is a nozzle with a hose that leads to a water bag. Sometimes they also come in a squeeze bottle format instead of a water bag, but the concept is the same. The nozzle is inserted into the anus.

Both of these types of anal douches allow for deep penetration and lots of water to flush out the rectum and are used for enemas, too. From the research I did, personally, I did not feel like these were the right option for me.

The body does a really good job cleaning itself out. After all, that’s why we poop every day. In addition, the colon and rectum have a lot of beneficial bacteria that helps keep your entire gastrointestinal system in balance. When you flush out your colon, you remove a lot of the beneficial bacteria along with any fecal matter or stagnant excrement. While it might be ok to do once in awhile, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be flushing out your system frequently.

I do not claim to be a doctor or any type of medical professional, so if my opinion is different from any medical advice you have received, please ignore my opinion.

Bulb Douche

Bulb douches are the easiest of the anal douches to use. They are simple but effective. Bulb douches do not have copious amounts of water. They hold enough to do a little bit of irrigating and wash out any little bits that have not exited. The nozzles are usually around 2½” in length and ¼” in diameter at the insertion point, so they don’t go too far up inside and aren’t too big to insert comfortably.

While there are some minor differences between different brands, the concept is the same. They work like a dropper, turkey baster, cheap water gun. While holding the bulb opening to water, you squeeze the bulb so the bulb fills up with the water. When the bulb is full, you insert it into the anus, gently squeeze so water enters the canal. Remove the bulb and the water with the extra bits will leave.

Tips for anal douching

  • If the bulb is not completely full of water, squeeze out excess air before inserting. Blowing air up your ass feels really weird and could lead to farting later. From my experience, the farting occurs immediately before penetration when you’re trying to relax. Then if you’re like me, you’ll laugh and desperately try to figure out how to keep from farting some more as you’re laughing.
  • You’ll want to douche until the water runs clear. If you do it over the toilet, it becomes difficult to tell if there are new bits or old bits floating when the water comes out. Because I live in an area with water restrictions and on top of that I don’t like to waste water, I do it in the shower so I don’t have to flush the toilet so frequently. To conserve water, I have the bulb ready with a glass of water in the shower to refill as needed.
  • Use some lube. The anus does not self lubricate, so whenever something is going in your ass, lube is your best friend. Obviously, water based lube will wash away easily. For douching, I just use coconut oil as I use it for lots of things already, including washing my face.
  • Sometimes there is more than you expect. Most of the time, there isn’t much because our bodies do a good job getting rid of crap but sometimes there is. If you’re going to douche in the shower, you may need to wipe some poop off the floor. I don’t normally have this issue, but when I’m on a high protein, low carb diet to drop a couple of pounds quickly, I find this kind of diet leads to looser stools. Good for losing weight, not so good for anal sex if you don’t douche.
  • Douche about an hour or two before you plan on sex. You are putting water up your butt. While most of the water comes out right away, some of it doesn’t. The water will usually get absorbed within an hour. If you douche to soon before sex, it can leak out when you least want it to. I also suggest wearing underwear for the next hour after douching, in case some leaks. After that, toss those panties to the side!

Unicorn Upshot: Shit happens but sometimes you can prevent it from happening.


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