Part 1: During Sex

Whether your playtime is spontaneous or a planned sexual encounter, sometimes playtime isn’t fun. Luckily there are some things you can do to help improve your sex playtime.

Expect Reality

Having realistic expectations when it comes to play and particularly group sex (more than 2) is the first thing you should do when going into any play situation.  Scrolling through a Google threesome tumblr search, you are bombarded with amazing images and tantalizing video clips. But you don’t see the outtakes and you only see what the creator of the media wants you to see.

In real life, things get messy, bodies make noises, people have rolls of fat, makeup gets smeared, and so on.  With that said, if you relax and don’t focus on any particular outcome and just enjoy the moment, you can find yourself experiencing moments and sensations that you’ll never see in a Google search.

Check In

Hopefully you’ve already prepared yourself for what could/will happen in your play session. Whether you’re going into a planned scene or you’re enjoying an impromptu couple swap, make sure you discuss (even if just briefly) any hard limits you and your partner(s) have. Things will go so much smoother if everyone knows that their feelings matter before things get going.

Also, use that time to notice any unwanted feelings that might have crept up. Are you more nervous than you expected? Feeling insecure? Having unwanted memories? Remember that you’re playing with real people. Most people will not have the intention of hurting you and I’ll bet money that they want you to have an amazing time. Don’t you want to be remembered for the best sex someone ever had?

So speak up if you’re feeling something that you’re not sure about. Sometimes just mentioning your feelings helps you feel more comfortable. For example, letting the other people know you’re more nervous than you expected should encourage them to take things slowly.

Be Considerate But Not Too Considerate

Guys, you probably will not relate as much to the following as it is targeted towards women, but it’s important for you to know.

Recently in a discussion with a guy friend of mine about sex, he compared sex to pizza. From his perspective, even bad pizza is still good pizza. It got me thinking about why most guys find any sex enjoyable. And it’s because they aren’t scared about hurting the other person’s feelings to ask for what they want.

As women, we’re often raised to put other’s feelings before our own. This is a good thing when it comes to raising kids. This is not a good thing when it comes to having great sex because you are an equal part of the sex equation.

If you find yourself in an uncomfortable position needing more pressure, needing more momentum, or needing things to go slower, please speak up. While I’m not suggesting being a bitch about it (of course if your partner is into degradation then by all means, be the best bitch you can), you should speak up for what you want. People aren’t mind readers, so unless you say something there really isn’t any way for the other person/people to know what to do to make you feel good.

Always Speak Up

Personally, I take satisfaction in doing a good job when I give oral sex. I can honestly say that if I weren’t a female who has thoroughly explored different techniques on myself, I don’t know that I’d be able to make most women orgasm. Most women don’t say anything during sex. They might moan or rock their hips, but that moan might just be an encouraging moan not an actual “what you’re doing feels so good I want to moan” kind of moan.

This lack of speaking up often comes from not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings, being told through childhood to “sit still and look pretty,” as well as the fact that many women are submissive by nature. Taking some time now to think about the reasons why you find yourself not speaking up will help you have the courage to do so when you’re in the heat of the moment and get that orgasm you deserve.